


to where forever lies

by MrsDK1998



Category: Free!
Genre: Developing Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, I have no idea how this happened, M/M, Sickfic, it turned into a sickfic somewhere along the line
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-25 10:18:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3806755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsDK1998/pseuds/MrsDK1998
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin is confused.</p><p>His ever-so-talkative, always-open-about-his-feelings roommate doesn't say 'I love you'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	to where forever lies

**Author's Note:**

> _The first step is the one you believe in_   
>  _The second one might be profound._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Shinedown ~I'll follow you~

Rin says it before they even kiss, a late night after practice, somewhere between the pool and the dorms. They stayed up later than usual, until Captain Mikoshiba had to practically drag them out of the pool and into the showers. 

They walk in relative silence, save from the sound of their footsteps and the song of the night bugs. 

Ai sighs in contentment.  


Rin glances sideways at him. "You know..." he begins, after a few beats of silence. "I thought you didn't like being out this late."  


Ai looks at him, his eyes bright as ever, and Rin's heart skips a beat. "I don't," he smiles, then lowers his head."But I don't mind staying out late if I'm with you."  


Rin can't help the way his face heats up, can only hope that Ai can't see it in the darkness of the night -or is kind enough not to comment. He knows that Ai would rather be indoors after sunset, Rin did schedule their first date earlier that week to be over before dark for this reason, after all. Ai was thankful that Rin took his comfort into consideration and did the same, walking by Rin's side at half an arm's distance, knowing Rin was still getting used to the idea of romantic intimacy.  


Ai is really close now, though, and Rin can hear his own heartbeat in his ears. When their hands brush, Rin's breath hitches in his throat.  


When Ai intertwines their fingers, Rin stops breathing altogether.  


"Is this okay?" Ai asks quietly, not looking Rin in the eye. He keeps his head lowered, his short bangs just barely hiding his eyes. Rin hums in response, not trusting words to do the trick just yet. Silence surrounds them once more, and a glance at Ai tells Rin that maybe he should say something. The only three words that come to his mind he'd rather avoid for the time being, but right now he feels like their only reason to exist is so that Ai can hear them at this exact moment.  


Rin feels overwhelmed, his head is positively spinning, his heart will jump out of his chest any second now, he is sure of it, and all of this because of the warm fingers snuggled neatly between his own. But Ai was brave enough to do this, and Rin knows he has to say something so Ai doesn't feel like he did something wrong, or think that Rin isn't enjoying this as much as he actually is -too much for his own good, Rin is sure of this too.  


So Rin does say something.  


And instantly curses himself.  


Ai stops dead in his tracks and stares at Rin with an incredulous look in his eye, like he can't believe what he just heard, like it's impossible for anyone to say this to him and mean it. The thought makes Rin's heart throb painfully against his ribs, and he fidgets nervously under the weight of Ai's gaze. They're face to face now, fingers still laced together.  


"What... did you say?" Ai whispers under his breath, and Rin can see his eyes glimmer with something dangerously close to tears.  


"I..." Rin closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, opens them again. "I said I love you."  


He doesn't have time to panic when Ai untangles their hands, because the next moment Ai throws both his arms around Rin's torso and pulls him close, closer than ever before, and buries his face in Rin's chest and breathes shakily, doesn't say anything for a long time. Rin wraps his own arms around the smaller boy, so tightly he can't tell where his body ends and Ai's body begins.  


A sob is muffled into his shirt and Rin is on the verge of panicking when another muffled sound, barely formed words make their way out of Ai's mouth.  


"Thank you," Ai slurs, voice laced with tears. Rin lets out a sigh of relief.  


"Don't thank me for something like that, dummy," he says, but there isn't a hint of annoyance in his voice, only warmth that makes Ai clutch on the back of Rin's shirt. Rin presses a kiss on the top of Ai's head, feather light but still there, and waits patiently for Ai to stop crying.  


When Ai does stop, he pulls back slowly, reluctantly, and refuses to look Rin in the eye. He uses the back of his sleeve to wipe his face and sniffs. "You too," he hiccups weakly, and Rin swears he could fly if he wanted.  


Only he doesn't want to fly, because Ai is in front of him, all wet eyes and red cheeks and shy glances to Rin's face that he thinks Rin doesn't notice. But Rin does notice, so he takes Ai's face in his hands, wipes stray tears away with his thumbs and presses another kiss on Ai's forehead. Ai finally looks at him - _really_ looks at him- and Rin watches as the corners of Ai's lips lift in a small smile. Rin's hands lower and he takes one of Ai's, laces their fingers back together.  


They walk the rest of the way back in silence and bliss.  


* * *

It's later the same night, in the sound of Ai's soft snores coming from the top bunk that Rin muses, 'thank you' is a weird first response to someone saying they love you.  


He's between reality and dreamland when he realizes that Ai didn't utter the word 'love'.  


* * *

_"Are we boyfriends?"_  


Ai has to read the message twice before he actually gets the meaning. And when he does, he can't help the blush that creeps up his face, neither the sigh that gets past his lips. "We're alone in this room, you know..." he turns around on his chair, facing his roommate. Said roommate refuses to look at him, laying on his bed and staring at the wall as if it holds all the secrets of the universe. Ai can see Rin's ears redden as he walks up to the bed and sits next to his turned back. The small peck he leans to give Rin's cheek seems to get his attention as he chokes on his own spit and sits up abruptly. Ai smiles at him. "Do you want us to be?"  


Rin looks away, opens his mouth, closes it, opens his phone instead. A few moments later, Ai's phone vibrates on his desk.  


"I'm not picking that up."  


Rin grunts, falling on his back, an arm thrown over his eyes. Ai lies down with him, a hand over Rin's chest. His heart is racing, Ai notes.  


Rin swallows. "Do you, um. Want?" he coughs.  


Ai stifles a laugh, Rin is trying so hard. "Yes."  


Rin looks at him. "Really?"  


"Really."  


Ai yelps when Rin throws an arm around him and pulls him close. "I do, too," he murmurs.  


Ai doesn't question the tremor in Rin's voice.  


* * *

_"More than anything,"_ the text on Ai's phone reads.  


* * *

Ai's lips are warm and soft -and the tiniest bit chapped- when Rin kisses them.  


Ai responds immediately, his hands grasping at Rin's upper arms and pulling him closer. Rin rests his hands on Ai's waist, starts rubbing in circles. Ai hums, and it leaves Rin lightheaded -or maybe it's because it's 10 p.m. and they're both a little high on Pocket Sweat.  


They move their mouths slowly, parting only to press them back together. There are no tongues involved, but they're still a little breathless by the time they pull back. The only light illuminating the room is coming from the venting machine, but it's enough for them to look into eachother's eyes.  


Ai is the one to initiate this time, raising on the balls of his feet to peck Rin's lips. Rin leans down, presses his mouth more firmly against Ai's and starts nibbling and licking on his bottom lip. A tiny gasp falls from Ai's mouth, and he shyly reaches with his tongue for Rin's. He squeaks when he finds it, separating his mouth from Rin's completely.  


Rin chuckles. "It's okay. It's not like I have any experience either."  


"You don't?"  


"Nope."  


Ai takes a couple of breaths, willing his heart to stop pounding in his ears. "Okay."  


They lock lips again, and Rin's tongue sneaks into Ai's mouth. Ai soon reciprocates, his own tongue hesitantly moving against Rin's, pushing back on it experimentally. Rin cups the back of Ai's head, running his fingers through silver locks in an attempt to help Ai relax some -even though Rin himself is more nervous than he'll ever admit.  


In a tiny burst of confidence, Ai makes his way into Rin's mouth, emitting a gasp from the older boy. Rin lets him explore for a while -Ai's tongue is smaller than his, he notices- then bites softly. Ai gives a start and giggles, and Rin smirks at the adorable reaction. He lets go of Ai's tongue and waits for the giggling fit to end.  


"I've always wondered what your teeth felt like," Ai mutters when he's calmed down.  


"Always?"  


"Well- not necessarily in this kind of situation- not until recently at least- I mean-"  


Rin chuckles and kisses him again, licking his lips open. They keep going like this, slow kisses turning frantic by the second. At some point, when Rin is far too gone to care for his neck screaming at him to stand straight, he murmurs a breathy "I love you" against Ai's lips and captures them again before Ai has a chance to respond. Rin swears he hears -and feels- Ai whimper at that, so he pulls away, giving a final peck to Ai's parted lips that Ai doesn't have the mind to respond to.  


Ai feels dizzy, his knuckles white and aching from clutching onto Rin's jacket for so long, an embarrassing heat coiling low in his belly. He leans his head on Rin's shoulder, careful not to let his lower body get too close, and breathes in deeply, trying to ground himself.  


Rin does the same, wiping saliva from his chin, and for a while they're both quiet.  


"You too," Ai remembers to respond. Rin kisses the crown of his head.  


"You're pretty good for a first-timer, I think," he says. Ai chuckles.  


"Are you kidding me?" his voice is kind of raspy, like he just woke up, and Rin loves the sound of it. "There were moments I forgot you're a first-timer yourself!"  


Rin laughs nervously. "Uh, thanks. I think we still have a long way to go though."  


Ai hums happily. "I'll be looking forward to it."  


Rin sighs. He wants to keep going -knows that Ai wants it too- but it's late on a school night and he wants to keep his sleeping schedule in order -same goes for Ai, who Rin knows has been staying up late to revise school projects for the umpteenth time. So Rin pushes Ai back gently, uses his sleeve to wipe Ai's chin, watches as he blushes in embarrassment and then takes his hand and leads him down the hall and towards their room.  


Sure, from an objective point of view, their kissing was far from perfect. It was sloppy and inexperienced, but that's okay.  


They're working on it.  


* * *

Rin is confused.  


His ever-so-talkative, always-open-about-his-feelings roommate - _and boyfriend_ , Rin mentally adds- doesn't say 'I love you'. It's not often that Ai keeps silent about things, but when he does, it's always something he feels bad about.  


It leaves Rin worried, if not a bit hurt.  


Is Rin doing something wrong? Did he say it too soon, after all? Did someone hurt Ai in the past after saying these words? The possibilities are endless, but there's one Rin's mind keeps returning to.  


Does Ai not love Rin? Rin doesn't like that question, fears the answer. It would explain why Ai hasn't responded with more than a 'you too', though -maybe he isn't the type to say things he doesn't mean. But he isn't the type to lead someone on when he feels nothing either, right? Or does he pity Rin so much he does exactly that?  


Rin doesn't want to push Ai into saying or doing something the younger boy isn't comfortable with, but he can't help the slight twinge of pain every time he doesn't get an 'I love you' back; the sudden pang of guilt when Ai looks at his feet instead of Rin's face whenever he almost says it but doesn't; the way his heart feels like an anchor and the words at the tip of his tongue feel like poison -even though they're thornless roses- because what if he says something Ai doesn't want to hear, what if Ai feels the need to say everything back even if he's not ready to, Rin doesn't want to push Ai like that, doesn't want Ai to push himself.  


So Rin waits.  


All the while wondering whether he should stop saying 'I love you' as well.  


* * *

"I'm sorry I never say it back."  


Ai's voice is really small, but it still startles Rin. He turns around on his bunk to stare at the back of Ai's head. Ai is sitting on his chair in front of his desk, one hand supporting his head, the other mindlessly tracing patterns on a notebook.  


He's tired, Rin can tell, so he gets up and gently lifts Ai's hand from the notebook. He kisses it softly, then tugs at it until Ai is on his feet and following Rin back to the bed.  


He yelps when Rin pushes him down, then gets on top of him, hands near the sides of Ai's head to support him. Ai looks at him, and Rin ducks to kiss his forehead. He moves down to Ai's beauty mark, his cheeks, his neck.  


Ai's eyes flutter shut. "Rin..."  


Rin smiles.He likes that Ai has learned to drop the 'senpai' when it's only the two of them. "What have I told you about that?"  


"Not to worry?" Ai's breathing is just a bit off, his cheeks just a hue redder than usual.  


"Exactly," Rin breathes against Ai's neck. He knows very well what he's doing to his boyfriend.  


"But," Ai pushes Rin away, only enough to look at his face. He takes a steadying breath,"I like when you say it."  


Rin's heart swells with affection, and he lets himself fall bodily on Ai, gently enough not to hurt him but still emitting a small 'oof' from the boy beneath him. He hides his face in the crook of Ai's neck, breathing in deeply. He can feel both their hearts pounding when he whispers,  


"I love you." _Like this?_  


"You, too." _Yes._  


Rin doesn't think about stopping again.  


* * *

Rin started to notice early on after meeting Ai that he was often teased; for his looks, his quirks, his optimism, even -Rin never understood why. However, as time went by, he became aware of Ai not paying much attention to such teasing, even when it turned less playful and more violent. The smaller boy would ignore the annoying guys that insisted on wasting his time rather than give them what they wanted, it seemed.  


"How do you put up with this?" Rin had asked one day, watching Ai wrap gaze around his elbow.  


Ai had inspected his work in the mirror and sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I'm... used to it, I guess."  


A feeling of dread washes through Rin every time he remembers conversations like this one.  


It's obvious to Rin that Ai doesn't have many friends, never had, and it's just another thing he doesn't understand. Even in his darker phase -when his tunnel vision didn't let him realize that people genuinely cared about him- he was relieved that someone put up with him, was even glad that said person was there to fill his empty evenings with useless chatter. Sure, Ai's constantly running mouth could become annoying at times, mostly on days when Rin got angry at literally everything, and he may have even lashed out to his underclassman, but never thought about actually harming him, didn't see why anyone would want that.  


It occurred later to Rin -after reconciling with the guys from Iwatobi- that he didn't know a thing about Ai's family. Strangers hurt Ai because he didn't fit in, but what about his own parents? Did they know about it, and if they did, have they ever tried helping?  


It becomes clear during their time as boyfriends that -for whatever reason- Ai wasn't shown much love back home. Rin doesn't want to ask under what circumstances, is too scared of bringing up stuff Ai would rather not talk about. If Ai wants to tell Rin about his past, then he will.  


What Rin knows is that whatever happened has left Ai reluctant to receive and admit love, scared to say these words out loud.  


Rin feels like he's suffocating whenever he thinks of the possibilities.  


But he's not about to give up on Ai's ability to love.  


* * *

"Stop forcing yourself."  


"I'm not!"  


"You don't have to say it back."  


"But I want to, I really do!"  


Rin kisses him, long and hard, until Ai forgets his own name.  


"I know."  


* * *

Rin doesn't know how he reached the bathroom -can't even recall waking up- but he's covered in sweat and there's a nauseous feeling that makes him sway and tumble, and his stomach is turning -not in the pleasant way it does, ever so slightly, when Ai tries to be affectionate without stepping on Rin's boundaries, on a date or after practice or in a walk to the convenience store down the road when they're out of drinks and energy bars, Rin realizes- and he feels bile rising in his throat so he doesn't hesitate to sink to his knees in front of the toilet and empty the contents of his stomach. 

He doesn't hear Ai coming in, doesn't realize he's there until a warm palm lands on his shoulder and shakes him lightly and an equally warm voice is saying something, his name, maybe, but Rin can only whimper pathetically and stay curled on the floor, clutching a hand over his belly and struggling to even breathe. He keeps gagging, and the taste in his mouth only makes things worse, so the bottle of cold water that Ai forces on his lips brings such relief that Rin sobs -making water run down his chin and almost choking- but he drinks until the bottle is empty and he is left a crying and coughing mess in Ai's arms. His whole body is trembling and he presses his face on Ai's shoulder as the other boy whispers soothing words to him, and even though Rin has trouble understanding them right now, just the sound of Ai's voice calms him enough to stop sobbing.  


Still he clings onto Ai as if he were his only lifeline.  


* * *

When Rin wakes up, he is securely tucked into bed, despite having no memory of getting there. His head is buzzing and the room is much too cold for his liking. His absent mind can hear a conversation coming from somewhere near -he knows it's somewhere near, even though it sounds so, so far away- and he recognizes one of the voices immediately.  


"Ai?" he croaks, and nearly flinches at the sound of his own voice. Ai is on his side in no time, looming over him and examining his face for any signs of pain. He sighs in relief when he finds none, and the tiniest of smiles appears on his face.  


"How are you feeling, senpai?" he asks softly.  


Rin groans -or at least tries to and fails, and the sound he makes is more broken than annoyed. "Like shit." He coughs, and inwardly wishes he had something to drink.  


Worry flashes in blue eyes, but Ai seems to be reading Rin's mind because next minute a bottle of water is pressed to Rin's lips and he doesn't think twice about drinking.  


"There's nothing to worry about," a different voice says -one Rin recognizes as familiar but can't exactly put a face on. "It's just your everyday fever, most probably triggered by something he ate and upset his stomach."  


"I see," Ai murmurs, then stands straight once Rin finishes drinking. The other person walks towards the bed, and Rin finally sees the school nurse. She smiles and starts questioning Rin about when he started feeling unwell, if he remembers what he ate and if any of it could have normally had such a negative effect on his body. Rin answers with obvious difficulty, feels too tired to try hiding the tremor in his voice, doesn't have enough strength to curse it for sounding so weak.  


"Sorry for making you talk so much, I just have to know if you feel anything out of the ordinary. I'll write a paper to the principal so don't worry about that. Just make sure to rest and drink lots of water and, well, if anything else happens," she rests her hand on Ai's shoulder, "I believe your roommate here will be responsible enough to report it." At Ai's determined nod, she turns and walks towards the door. "Oh, and," she points to Rin's desk, "I left a couple antipyretics in case his fever gets worse."  


"Thank you very much," Ai says with a polite bow, just before the door shuts.  


* * *

Ai feels guilty.  


It was his idea to eat outside -since the school cafeteria was always the same on weekdays- and Rin just tagged along because, _hey, it's been a while since we went out together_. They both knew that junk food isn't the best option for an athlete, but Ai still insisted. And even though he carried Rin to bed after his throwing up fit, stayed up all night trying to calm Rin's shivers and whimpers and ran to the nurse's office first thing in the morning -before she even got there- it still felt like he wasn't doing enough. On top of that, he had to leave his sick roommate alone and attend these godforsaken classes -and Ai generally likes school, but he remembers the way Rin kept trembling under all the blankets the school could provide a single dorm room and can't help but glance at the clock every five seconds.  


His sleep-deprived mind reminds him to contact Rin every chance he gets just to check on him -even though Rin himself said he would text him if he felt worse- but doesn't help that much througout classes, seeing as he has to rely on his classmates to keep him awake by nudging him, pinching him, subtly kicking his chair. Still they have to direct the professor's attention elsewhere a couple of times, when Ai can't consentrate on what is being said to him. He makes sure to thank each one of them individually later, and leaves campus to get some soup, hoping Rin's stomach won't reject it.  


* * *

Rin turns his back to the wall as soon as the door opens.  


"I'm back," Ai murmurs, and Rin can tell he's tired.  


"Hey." Rin's face is burning and his throat itches, but the sight of Ai's exhausted smile lifts his heart more than he cares to admit.  


"Feeling any better?"  


Rin laughs bitterly. "Nope, can't say I am."  


Ai sighs and slumps on his chair, noticing one of the antipyretics on Rin's desk missing. He closes his eyes and lets his head fall back, breathing in and out slowly. Rin props himself up on his elbows, and it makes him dizzy.  


"Long day?"  


Ai groans weakly, forcing himself to stand and walk to the bed. Rin's forehead feels far too hot under his palm, and Ai lets out a frustrated whine. "Did it even go down at all?"  


Rin shrugs and falls back on his pillow, closing his eyes. "Don't worry so much about it."  


Ai sighs, gesturing for Rin to make space. "Move a bit, please."  


Rin hums. "Nope."  


Ai blinks. "Why?"  


"Because I don't want you to get sick, idiot."  


"Weren't you the one who said 'idiots don't get sick'?"  


"You're a different kind of idiot."  


"Good to know," Ai smiles. It's really the fact that Rin seems to be talking more easily that makes him happy. It's not much, but it's something.  


* * *

Rin eats his soup slowly and with lots of help from Ai. The tremors have died down for the most part, but holding a spoon filled with burning liquid doesn't seem such a good idea. He falls asleep rather easily, and Ai is relieved that at least one of them can rest even a little -Rin said that he kept tossing and turning all morning. Ai can't let himself relax just yet, for he's got a load of homework waiting for him.  


Halfway through, though, he starts dozing off, sees letters and numbers dancing in front of him, and decides it's time for a break. He thinks maybe he should go get something to eat himself and some more soup, seeing as Rin will be waking up soon.  


His walk to and from the convenience store is uneventful, but when he returns to the room he finds Rin looming over his desk.  


"The answer is fourty-two," he says without lifting his head.  


Ai glances at his literature notebook, then ushers Rin back to bed.  


"Come on, Ai," Rin says, but makes no move to resist. "I've been doing nothing but sit on my ass all day."  


"Because you're sick." Ai moves back to his desk.  


Rin sits on the edge of the bed. "Baby."  


Ai pauses, his face reddening at the endearment. Something about Rin's hoarse voice -due to the fever, Ai assumes, but maybe even intentionally- makes it sound much better. "What?"  


"C'mere." Rin extends his arms.  


Ai sighs, defeated, and stands between Rin's knees. Rin wraps his arms around Ai's waist and buries his face on Ai's chest. Ai runs his fingers through Rin's hair and kisses the top of his head. "How are you feeling?"  


Rin chuckles. "You keep asking me that but I'm curious about how you've been feeling all day."  


Ai's hands still in Rin's hair. Rin looks up. "Ai?"  


The expression on Ai's face makes Rin's eyes widen. His cheeks are red, his eyes are filling with tears that he tries to hold back, his bottom lip is quivering. "I..." he sniffs.  


"I'm tired. It was a struggle to stay awake during classes. That pile of homework over there isn't gonna finish itself. And half of it I don't even understand." He chuckles. "But I don't mind." He pauses, and Rin knows he's got more to say, so he doesn't speak, but tightens his arms around Ai's waist reassuringly.  


Ai takes a deep breath. "I don't mind," he repeats, "because I wanted to be here for you, no one forced me. Because you'll feel better eventually, but that doesn't mean you'll leave." He smiles, and Rin can hear his heart in his ears.  


"Because I love you."  


Ai's voice doesn't tremble like it did at the beginning. He doesn't pull away from Rin's arms. His eyes refuse to look anywhere else than at Rin's.  


Rin just stares at him, dumbfounded, his mouth hanging slightly open and then turning into a smile that only keeps widening. He doesn't realize he's on his feet until after he hears Ai squeak at his own loss of footing when Rin lifts him off the ground and spins them both around _twice_ , laughing loudly enough for the whole dorm to hear. Spinning and laughing leave him dizzy and lightheaded though, so he drops to the bed, dragging Ai down on top of him.  


"I love you too!" he practically yells for the world to hear, still laughing, and Ai sees teartracks on his cheeks. Rin's laughter gets mixed with sobs that he doesn't bother hiding, is much too happy to care -and maybe a bit dellusioned by his fever-, his whole face is red, a couple shades away from matching his hair, and he's covered in sweat and tears and snot and Ai knows he's sick but can't help but want to kiss that stupid grin off his face.  


So he does.  


And he's far from regretting it any of the next four days he spends in the same condition.

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of gave up halfway through and I have no excuse. Well I did write this on my phone...  
> The only reason I'm posting this during exams is because it would get deleted otherwise.  
> Come tell me what to write next on [tumblr](http://acechirou.tumblr.com).  
> (Also if you find any grammatical/vocabulary mistakes please do point them out! Autocorrect isn't exactly working with me lately...)


End file.
